Ready, set…

The past few years have come with a lot of ups and downs, both in life and my weight. In 2010 I lost around 30 pounds. In 2011 I gained ten back. In 2012 I lost an additional 40 pounds. Over the past 2.5 years I’ve gained about 30 of those pounds back. Simply typing those two numbers: 3 – 0 is difficult. On one hand I can be really hard on myself and filled with regret. If I’m honest, however, I must admit my inner person has grown in ways it otherwise would never have been able to. I’ve learned things about myself, both good and bad, and had to become comfortable in my skin, no matter the size.

Even though gaining this weight has accomplished some good things, I’m ready to lose it again. For a number of reasons I am unable to follow the plan I did previously (all Atkins meal bars and shakes). I have developed an adverse reaction to sucralose, the primary sweetener in all those products, and will get a horrible migraine with even the smallest bit. Emotionally, too, I feel I would be unable to follow that restrictive of a plan. I am not sure I would be able to receive an eating disorder diagnosis, but I will admit my mentality became more and more toxic the more weight I lost. Towards the end of my diet, I was consuming roughly 600 calories per day, taking laxatives if I ate too much, and weighing myself multiple times per day. I would wake up – weigh myself, use the bathroom – weigh myself, eat breakfast – weigh myself, get home from work in the evening – weigh myself, eat dinner – weigh myself, and weigh again before bed. When I began eating again, I was terrified. I didn’t want to eat, but also didn’t want to be a slave to my diet. I started working out, but was so stressed and obsessed about gaining weight that I became my own worst enemy.

Over the past few years I have been learning moderation. Eating food is ok, but binge eating is not. Dieting is fine, but restricting and taking laxatives is not. Stepping is on  the scale is fine, but doing so multiple times per day is destructive. I feel I am now ready to try again. I am eating a low-carb diet of REAL food, no meal replacements. I am weighing myself once per day on this genius scale I bought which only lets you weigh once a day and doesn’t show you your weight, but rather pounds lost (no more starving to hit a certain three digit number). I am also going to be blogging more to help keep me accountable.

For my followers both new and old, I hope you join me on this journey to be healthy mentally, spiritually, and physically.

God bless!

Alice