Good News!

So, I planned my meals out for this week without calculating calories. After I entered it all into my fatsecret log, I was disappointed to see the calories at just over 1700. It was too late to change things since all my food was made, but I was bummed the count wasn’t lower. Well, late last night, after I entered my totals for the day, I noticed a mistake in my data entry! My calories are really only 1591! As I’m trying to stay near 1500, this is MUCH better. =) Hooray!

I am _________________.

I was listening to Revive Our Hearts by Nancy Leigh DeMoss on my way to work this morning. At the beginning of the message, Erin Davis (a guest speaker) was talking about labels. This really started me thinking about what label I most identify with myself. I wish I could say it was something really spiritual or Godly, but it was not. The first thing that popped into my head today, as has for most of my life, was the word FAT. In my head I know I am so much more than the number displayed on the scale. My own sinful bent, however,  keeps me believing people can’t/don’t see the real me because of my weight. So much of my motivation for losing weight is the esteem of others, but not in a typical way. I honestly do NOT want people to notice me losing weight. I abhor when people comment on my weight loss, ask me what I’m doing, or even say I look great. I know most people like that type of attention, but I do NOT. One of the main reasons I have always hated being overweight is because it makes me different. I could never shop at the same stores as my friends, we could never share clothes, I could never just blend into a crowd, and I felt my most distinguishing feature was my weight. Oh how I long for the day when people will say, “You know, the sweet one” or “You have to know her, shes the one with brown eyes… she is really nice and has beautiful smile.” Instead, I always imagine things much more negative, such as, “Oh, you know, the fat (heavy, chubby, bigger) one.” I just don’t want my weight to be my primary definitive feature! I want people to look favorably on me, and I have always felt my obesity distracts others from seeing who I really am.

Throughout the rest of that broadcast and the rest of my day, the Lord convicted me this is a wrong way to think. I need to listen to the true voice of my Beloved Savior. He calls me precious, heir, daughter, redeemed, forgiven, and loved. He is not distracted by my weight, and (way deep down in me somewhere) I know others to not only see me for my weight either. I am so much more than a number on the scale or size of my clothes. God chooses to use the weak and looked down upon in this world to do great things for His kingdom. Though I am  weak and nothing much to look at, I have a wonderful Savior, and I must continually glory in my Redeemer, not sulk about my body.

 

P.S. Be sure to check out my new “Try-on Tuesday” page for an updated picture!

Let the preparations begin!

Every week, either on Saturday or Sunday, I cook and portion out all my meals for the week. I am usually super busy, so if I don’t plan and prepare, I am bound to simply pick up a couple of hotdogs from the gas station each night for dinner (not ideal). The good thing about my tastes and food preferences is that I don’t get bored with eating the same food day after day. I eat the same thing every day for breakfast for a week, and I also choose my “lunch of the week” and “dinner of the week.” This is also really good since its just me. Cooking for one can be really tough, so making a normal size recipe and splitting it up into 5-7 portions works out really well for me. Anyways, here are some pictures from my meal prep marathon today. Enjoy!

 

« Breakfast »

2 Eggs and 2oz Pork Sausage

Farm fresh eggs

Calories: 337, Net Carbohydrates: 1

« Lunch »

Calories: 560, Net Carbohydrates 10

Lettuce for my taco lunch this week, in honor of Cinco de Mayo

• Grass-fed ground beef with taco seasoning
• Bibb lettuce leaves (in place of tortillas)
• Sharp cheddar cheese
• Organic sour cream
• Onions
• Guacamole

 

 

 

 

« Dinner »

Calories: 862, Net Carbohydrates: 9

Chicken breasts stuffed with ham and Swiss cheese. The “breading” is 1.5 oz of pork rinds mixed with 15g of soy flour

• Chicken Cordon Bleu
• Steamed asparagus

My very fist attempt at Hollandaise sauce!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The finished product. SO GOOD

Dinner Party Debacle

I think the single hardest thing about dieting is eating at others’ homes. Tonight, I attended the batchelorette party of one of my dearest friends. Dinner was asparagus (good), chicken pop-overs (insides? good, crescent roll outsides? not so much),  and strawberry pretzel salad (really, really not good). This was all followed by chocolate covered strawberries! So, what’s a girl to do?!? Well, in the past, I would probably have A. Not gone or B. Eaten everything on my plate. Tonight, however, was a fairly good night. I ate the asparagus and inside of the pop-over, and only took one tiny bite of the strawberry stuff to be polite. I also ate one strawberry, but made sure it was the smallest one on the plate. The sugar in that probably made my hope of getting into ketosis this week completely out of reach, but I am still OK with how I handled things.

I am currently SUPER tired so I’m gonna end things here. Hope you’re all doing well and sticking with your program!

Day’s stats.

Calories: 1942

Fat: 140

Carbohydrates: 38

Protein: 128

It’s MAY!

If you live in the north, as I do, then you can understand how happy I am spring is finally here. We had a BRUTAL winter which seemed like it would last forever! Now, I love going outside (even if it’s raining) to see the GREEN grass and happy yellow daffodils smiling up at me. This is a huge improvement over the constant white I’ve seen for the past six months.

With the start of a new month, I have started to think of new goals. My main goal for the month is honesty. I can follow diets really well, if I do say so myself. When I am really committed, I count every bite and every ounce of caloric food and beverages that pass over my lips. When I slip up, however, I try to ignore my “failure” and try desperately to avoid knowing how many carbs and calories I’ve consumed. I have been using fat secret to monitor my eating, and my goal is to enter EVERYTHING I eat; the good, bad, and the ugly. Take today, for instance. I was hungry. For so long I have abused my body by starving it to remain in my ideal calorie range. I remember countless nights chugging water or crystal light to trick my stomach into thinking it was full, too hungry to sleep. I recall evenings eating nothing but pickles because I didn’t want to tip the count into the 1300 calorie bracket. I have been so unkind to my body, in so many ways, over so many years.

« I want to be done »

I want to be kind to my body, and  listen to its needs. Today, I was hungry. Today, I ate.  Today, I entered each bite into the counter, peacefully (prayerfully)  watching the total rise to nearly 2000 calories. Today, I chose to be honest and not hide the fact it wasn’t my best day. Today, I achieved a small victory. Today was a good day.

Try-on Tuesdays

I am trying something new this time around. At this point, I am not sure when/if/how often I will weigh myself. The scale and I have a rough relationship. I can easily become obsessed with my weight, stepping on the scale 3, 5, 7, or more times per day. At my worst, I would purposely go hungry just so the number wouldn’t rise from morning to evening. On the flip side, I can see the number on the scale and get discouraged, giving up on my whole plan and falling off the wagon. This being, said, I have not decided if I am going to weigh-in this time around. I am going to spend the remainder of the week thinking and praying about it before stepping on the scale.

 

In lieu of pounds, I am for sure going to measure my success by my clothes, hence “Try-on Tuesdays.” Each Tuesday I will try on this pair of khakis which I wore comfortably at my lightest in the fall of 2012. My goal is to be back at this size. Wish me luck! As you can see, there is a definite chasm between the button and the hole at the moment. I am hoping this gap will continue to close over the next weeks and months.

 

How about you all? How do you measure your success? Do you weight, measure, or try on? Does anyone else have such a battle with the scale like I do? I dearly hope I’m not the only one! Anyways, thanks for reading, commenting, and subscribing. You all Rock! Now go out and be diligent. =)

Alice

Warning: venting in progress

Yesterday was a hard day for me, as I mentioned before. I am feeling a bit sorry for myself again this afternoon so I am just going to vent for a few minutes.

I am freaking tired of only eating bars and shakes. I am tired of people criticizing me for it. I am tired of having to explain that this truly is the ONLY way I’ve been able to lose weight since the initial 25 pounds. I am tired of feeling awkward in 90% of social situations because of food being involved. I am tired of having to diet. I am tired of not just being able to eat without a care like most of my friends. I am tired of losing weight but still being heavy. I am tired of my loose skin and the fat that just won’t tone. I am tired of being 23 but having disgustingly saggy boobs. I am tired of watching people eat.

Yes, my dearest cousin, I am bored with the shakes. You really didn’t need to ask. 21 weeks of 3 bars and 4 shakes per day is enough to make anyone crazy. A few weeks in there I replaced some bars and shakes with veggies and low carb stuff, but didn’t lose any weight. woo hoo (not). No, my dearest grandma, I don’t want ice cream. Yes, I am sure. I’ve been on a freaking diet for 2 years now. What part of “I can’t eat that stuff” have you not caught on to?

I do sincerely thank my mom and dad who have been very supportive. At lunch today, I sat there diligently eating my bar while they enjoyed burgers and salads. Towards the end of the meal, my mom just said, “I really am sorry you have such a hard time.” I seriously almost put on a water works show in the middle of Burger King. You know what mom? I’m sorry too. I know I can’t live on bars and shakes forever. I feel like I have a choice, though. Fat and food or thin and shakes. At some point I know I will choose food, just not today. Just not now. I’m not ready yet.

Now, so as not to leave you feeling depressed, the good things. I have a great family, good friends, a wonderful job. I’m not poor. I’m not sick. I have a body that gets me where I need to go. I have a phenomenal church and a Savior who loves me even on my down days. I have the Holy Spirit residing in my heart. I have a hope that stands the test of time. My God loves me and has good things planned. My weight is not outside of my Lord’s control. He is refining me into the image of His Son. His Word will not return void. I have lost 57 pounds. I am not obese. I have people who love me whether I am 150 or 250 pounds. I am more than my body. I finally have a doctor who is going to try to help me with my weight! My kidneys appear normal. My uterine malformation isn’t as devastating as I first thought. 

MY STORY ISN’T OVER YET

 

 

My weekend in photos

The "before picture" for my arm slimming/toning journey

 

I decided to eat real food as a Friday night treat. Step one: romaine hearts

 

Step 2: red peppers. yummm

 

1.9

Today I weighed in at 206.9. This is honestly the least I’ve weighed since I was a sophomore in high school! My clothes are beginning to fit differently. Yesterday, I went to put on a pair of dress pants I bought at Christmas time. Unfortunately (yet very fortunate at the same time) They were too big to wear…see? I decided to try one of my goal pants on today, just to see how they fit. When I began my journey, I couldn’t even get them over my hips. Now, I can get them up AND BUTTON THEM

Now, as you can see, they button, but if I even so much as THINK about sitting in them, I would have to do so in a room with nothing breakable for fear the button would snap from the pants, hurdle across the room, and shatter anything and everything valuable in the vicinity (ok, maybe an exaggeration…. you get the point). I bought these pants my freshman year of high school… in 2003! I’d say I’m doing pretty well, right???

Anyways, I had decided not to eat an enchilada tonight, but in the course of a series of unfortunate events, I didn’t have the chance to stop and get a bar or shake before going over my aunt and uncle’s house. I was STARVING. I ended up eating half of a low-carb enchilada. It really wasn’t as good as I was expecting. I tried to make it last by taking small bites, yet by doing that I didn’t really get to taste it very well. =( Oh well, its only food. Not a big deal. I ended up eating the second half by the end of the evening (probably about 2 hours later). We shall have to wait and see how this impacts my weight loss.

The biggest thing about today, though, is that I only have to lose 1.9 more pounds to reach my 40 pound mark! I hope to each that goal by this time next week. =)

Hope you’re all doing well and thank you so much for your subscriptions and support!

~Alice

Focus on the positive.

I am an idealist by nature. This can be a wonderful thing… most of the time. One thing I struggle with is disappointment when things aren’t my version of “ideal.” Take my weight for example… in my perfect, ideal world, my weight would continue to drop a pound every day or two. I would never weigh the same as the day before. I would be in onederland by now. These things are not occurring, so I have a choice. I can either be upset because things are going just my way, or I can focus on the little (and big) victories all around me. So, take today for example. I was tempted to be upset because I haven’t lost weight since Friday. I worked out all weekend, didn’t eat anything I wasn’t supposed to, and yet I still didn’t see a drop in weight. BUMMER. This evening, however, I put on a shirt that I’ve had for a number of years. At my heaviest, the sleeve was tight around my arm… I would even unbutton it so I could have more range of motion. Today, I focused on the victory it is that I can wrap my hand around my arm under the sleeve. =) I really am smaller than I was. My hard work really is paying off. I must look back with honest eyes and forward with hopeful realism.

Thats all I have for today. Best of luck to you all on your journey to health.

~Alice