Good News!

So, I planned my meals out for this week without calculating calories. After I entered it all into my fatsecret log, I was disappointed to see the calories at just over 1700. It was too late to change things since all my food was made, but I was bummed the count wasn’t lower. Well, late last night, after I entered my totals for the day, I noticed a mistake in my data entry! My calories are really only 1591! As I’m trying to stay near 1500, this is MUCH better. =) Hooray!

I am _________________.

I was listening to Revive Our Hearts by Nancy Leigh DeMoss on my way to work this morning. At the beginning of the message, Erin Davis (a guest speaker) was talking about labels. This really started me thinking about what label I most identify with myself. I wish I could say it was something really spiritual or Godly, but it was not. The first thing that popped into my head today, as has for most of my life, was the word FAT. In my head I know I am so much more than the number displayed on the scale. My own sinful bent, however,  keeps me believing people can’t/don’t see the real me because of my weight. So much of my motivation for losing weight is the esteem of others, but not in a typical way. I honestly do NOT want people to notice me losing weight. I abhor when people comment on my weight loss, ask me what I’m doing, or even say I look great. I know most people like that type of attention, but I do NOT. One of the main reasons I have always hated being overweight is because it makes me different. I could never shop at the same stores as my friends, we could never share clothes, I could never just blend into a crowd, and I felt my most distinguishing feature was my weight. Oh how I long for the day when people will say, “You know, the sweet one” or “You have to know her, shes the one with brown eyes… she is really nice and has beautiful smile.” Instead, I always imagine things much more negative, such as, “Oh, you know, the fat (heavy, chubby, bigger) one.” I just don’t want my weight to be my primary definitive feature! I want people to look favorably on me, and I have always felt my obesity distracts others from seeing who I really am.

Throughout the rest of that broadcast and the rest of my day, the Lord convicted me this is a wrong way to think. I need to listen to the true voice of my Beloved Savior. He calls me precious, heir, daughter, redeemed, forgiven, and loved. He is not distracted by my weight, and (way deep down in me somewhere) I know others to not only see me for my weight either. I am so much more than a number on the scale or size of my clothes. God chooses to use the weak and looked down upon in this world to do great things for His kingdom. Though I am  weak and nothing much to look at, I have a wonderful Savior, and I must continually glory in my Redeemer, not sulk about my body.

 

P.S. Be sure to check out my new “Try-on Tuesday” page for an updated picture!

Let the preparations begin!

Every week, either on Saturday or Sunday, I cook and portion out all my meals for the week. I am usually super busy, so if I don’t plan and prepare, I am bound to simply pick up a couple of hotdogs from the gas station each night for dinner (not ideal). The good thing about my tastes and food preferences is that I don’t get bored with eating the same food day after day. I eat the same thing every day for breakfast for a week, and I also choose my “lunch of the week” and “dinner of the week.” This is also really good since its just me. Cooking for one can be really tough, so making a normal size recipe and splitting it up into 5-7 portions works out really well for me. Anyways, here are some pictures from my meal prep marathon today. Enjoy!

 

« Breakfast »

2 Eggs and 2oz Pork Sausage

Farm fresh eggs

Calories: 337, Net Carbohydrates: 1

« Lunch »

Calories: 560, Net Carbohydrates 10

Lettuce for my taco lunch this week, in honor of Cinco de Mayo

• Grass-fed ground beef with taco seasoning
• Bibb lettuce leaves (in place of tortillas)
• Sharp cheddar cheese
• Organic sour cream
• Onions
• Guacamole

 

 

 

 

« Dinner »

Calories: 862, Net Carbohydrates: 9

Chicken breasts stuffed with ham and Swiss cheese. The “breading” is 1.5 oz of pork rinds mixed with 15g of soy flour

• Chicken Cordon Bleu
• Steamed asparagus

My very fist attempt at Hollandaise sauce!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The finished product. SO GOOD

Dinner Party Debacle

I think the single hardest thing about dieting is eating at others’ homes. Tonight, I attended the batchelorette party of one of my dearest friends. Dinner was asparagus (good), chicken pop-overs (insides? good, crescent roll outsides? not so much),  and strawberry pretzel salad (really, really not good). This was all followed by chocolate covered strawberries! So, what’s a girl to do?!? Well, in the past, I would probably have A. Not gone or B. Eaten everything on my plate. Tonight, however, was a fairly good night. I ate the asparagus and inside of the pop-over, and only took one tiny bite of the strawberry stuff to be polite. I also ate one strawberry, but made sure it was the smallest one on the plate. The sugar in that probably made my hope of getting into ketosis this week completely out of reach, but I am still OK with how I handled things.

I am currently SUPER tired so I’m gonna end things here. Hope you’re all doing well and sticking with your program!

Day’s stats.

Calories: 1942

Fat: 140

Carbohydrates: 38

Protein: 128

It’s MAY!

If you live in the north, as I do, then you can understand how happy I am spring is finally here. We had a BRUTAL winter which seemed like it would last forever! Now, I love going outside (even if it’s raining) to see the GREEN grass and happy yellow daffodils smiling up at me. This is a huge improvement over the constant white I’ve seen for the past six months.

With the start of a new month, I have started to think of new goals. My main goal for the month is honesty. I can follow diets really well, if I do say so myself. When I am really committed, I count every bite and every ounce of caloric food and beverages that pass over my lips. When I slip up, however, I try to ignore my “failure” and try desperately to avoid knowing how many carbs and calories I’ve consumed. I have been using fat secret to monitor my eating, and my goal is to enter EVERYTHING I eat; the good, bad, and the ugly. Take today, for instance. I was hungry. For so long I have abused my body by starving it to remain in my ideal calorie range. I remember countless nights chugging water or crystal light to trick my stomach into thinking it was full, too hungry to sleep. I recall evenings eating nothing but pickles because I didn’t want to tip the count into the 1300 calorie bracket. I have been so unkind to my body, in so many ways, over so many years.

« I want to be done »

I want to be kind to my body, and  listen to its needs. Today, I was hungry. Today, I ate.  Today, I entered each bite into the counter, peacefully (prayerfully)  watching the total rise to nearly 2000 calories. Today, I chose to be honest and not hide the fact it wasn’t my best day. Today, I achieved a small victory. Today was a good day.

Try-on Tuesdays

I am trying something new this time around. At this point, I am not sure when/if/how often I will weigh myself. The scale and I have a rough relationship. I can easily become obsessed with my weight, stepping on the scale 3, 5, 7, or more times per day. At my worst, I would purposely go hungry just so the number wouldn’t rise from morning to evening. On the flip side, I can see the number on the scale and get discouraged, giving up on my whole plan and falling off the wagon. This being, said, I have not decided if I am going to weigh-in this time around. I am going to spend the remainder of the week thinking and praying about it before stepping on the scale.

 

In lieu of pounds, I am for sure going to measure my success by my clothes, hence “Try-on Tuesdays.” Each Tuesday I will try on this pair of khakis which I wore comfortably at my lightest in the fall of 2012. My goal is to be back at this size. Wish me luck! As you can see, there is a definite chasm between the button and the hole at the moment. I am hoping this gap will continue to close over the next weeks and months.

 

How about you all? How do you measure your success? Do you weight, measure, or try on? Does anyone else have such a battle with the scale like I do? I dearly hope I’m not the only one! Anyways, thanks for reading, commenting, and subscribing. You all Rock! Now go out and be diligent. =)

Alice

Freaking out

Do you ever have those moments when you feel your insides might implode? That the fear that grips your heart might just be the end of you? That you might just snap and go totally AWOL on life? That is me at the moment.

I warn you all in advance, this post may get a little “woe is me” and the like. I have NOT had a good day. Let me just start by saying I am really exhausted. I was on call all weekend. I worked until 9pm on Friday, noon-7:30 on Saturday, and 8pm-2am last night/this morning. All this on top of working my full M-F workweek last week and now this week. I don’t do well when I don’t have enough “me” time at home… I tend to get a bit self-loathing for whatever reason. So today was one of those more “I hate myself” kind of days.

Today was the beginning of week two on The Fast Metabolism Diet. I chose not to weigh myself after week one, to just allow my body time to adjust to this new way of eating and not freak out or give up if the scale didn’t show the results I was hoping for. Last night, I slipped on a pair of shorts which fit me a month ago. They are TIGHT. For the past six months or so, I was holding my weight somewhere between 185-189. Not ideal, but at least still in the 180’s. Last month, I went up to a new high… 194. This FREAKS ME OUT! Like, I want to hyperventilate, stop eating, go lock myself in a dark closet somewhere type freakout. Then, there is the other voice in my head telling me I can’t just stop eating. I can’t restrict to the extreme anymore. I simply can’t… mentally, physically, or spiritually, I can’t. So, what’s a girl to do?

In the diet book, there is a chapter of tips and expectations for each of the four weeks. Week one’s expectations were clearly NOT met in my case. Week two’s chapter mostly talks about people not believing how much weight they lost in just one week, worrying about keeping it up, and somehow sabotaging themselves in the end.  I clearly did not lose that much weight, if any. This gets me worrying, “Am I gaining weight?” This is where my real freakout happens. With only SIX MEASLY POUNDS between me and 200, I can’t afford to gain anything! This really makes me want to weigh myself hardcore. I worked WAY too hard to get to one-derland and I am not going to let that all go to waste. Also, I looked at my measurements from a few months ago, and I’ve gained 3 inches in my waist, and 4 inches in my hips! Again, what is a girl to do? I don’t want to be controlled by my weight. I want to be controlled by the Holy Spirit. I don’t want this to be the most important thing in my life, I want Godliness to be. I don’t even want to be able to eat crap food and be thin. All I want is to be able to eat a freaking sweet potato without getting fat and looking like a whale! I want my efforts to be rewarded.

It is here that I am most convicted. In scripture we are called to hold every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ. My thoughts are not obedient on their own. Obviously my thoughts in relation to food and my body are a real source of contention between God and myself. God also hasn’t given me a spirit of fear, but one of power, love, and sound mind. He knows what He’s doing. My struggle with my weight isn’t outside His control or master plan. Whether I am fat or thin, I am loved. Whether this diet works or not, my hope ultimately isn’t in this eating plan, it is in HIS plan for my life. I keep just taking deep breaths, reciting scripture, and praying my little heart out that God will help me through this. Selfishly, I am praying I do, indeed, lose weight. If that isn’t the case, I pray I will graciously accept the providence of God in this matter and prayerfully seek His will for how I should continue.

Keeping Track

Hi Friends!

I was looking through my blog, and I realized I never posted pictures of one of the ways I am now keeping track of my weight loss. I don’t remember where I first heard or this idea, or whether I just thought of it myself, but last month I was at the craft store and they had these glass beads on sale. I purchased them, as well as a glass etching kit, and two glass vases. Here is a step-by-step guide to how I made these, but note: be sure your kit is truly a glass etching kit. Somehow mine creates the “look of etched glass” but I think it is just Mod Podge in a different bottle, lol. Anyways, here you go!

Step 1: Get two glass containers. Be creative and find ones that fit your style personality!

Step 2: Apply stickers. Be sure they are fully stuck on the glass to prevent the etching solution from coming in contact with that part. I also put a piece of tape around the middle to section off the bottom for etching.

Step 3: Apply etching solution as directed by the manufacturer

If you get the faux glass etching stuff, you need to apply a few layers

Step 4: Chose one or more colors of glass beads, marbles, etc.

Step 5: Count out pounds lost and the pounds you still want to lose. This here is the pile of “pounds lost” for me!!!!!!!

My finished jars. Since my faux etching stuff was more of a glue, I couldn’t get the stickers off. Oh well. =P

60 glass beads

15 Glass beads to go!!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Compliments

I have recently started receiving compliments about how I am looking “so skinny” (yeah right). While I am no where near skinny, I will admit I am definitely looking thinner. Weight loss is an odd thing. It is so private, personal, and intimate, yet at the same time so public. On one hand, I wish people wouldn’t notice. The attention, questions, and compliments make me feel self-conscious and uncomfortable. My struggle with my weight has been such a private battle. Since I am still so young, very few of my friends have dealt with dieting and obesity, and because of this, I rarely speak with them of my struggles. They just can’t understand where I’m coming from and what I’m going through. They will also just say what they feel they should say… things like, “You’re not fat” “You’re fine the way you are” “Don’t talk down about yourself” etc. I have always been very discrete when on a diet. I never outright tell my friends I’m dieting. I avoid the subject like the plague. I think even more than the awkwardness of the conversations surrounding dieting, I wish, deep down, my weight issues could just go away. By talking about my weight, I’m making it more of a reality. All this factors into the fact that I really HATE when people outside my family talk about my weight. I guess this is just another lesson in humility and learning to accept the person God made me to be.

1.9

Today I weighed in at 206.9. This is honestly the least I’ve weighed since I was a sophomore in high school! My clothes are beginning to fit differently. Yesterday, I went to put on a pair of dress pants I bought at Christmas time. Unfortunately (yet very fortunate at the same time) They were too big to wear…see? I decided to try one of my goal pants on today, just to see how they fit. When I began my journey, I couldn’t even get them over my hips. Now, I can get them up AND BUTTON THEM

Now, as you can see, they button, but if I even so much as THINK about sitting in them, I would have to do so in a room with nothing breakable for fear the button would snap from the pants, hurdle across the room, and shatter anything and everything valuable in the vicinity (ok, maybe an exaggeration…. you get the point). I bought these pants my freshman year of high school… in 2003! I’d say I’m doing pretty well, right???

Anyways, I had decided not to eat an enchilada tonight, but in the course of a series of unfortunate events, I didn’t have the chance to stop and get a bar or shake before going over my aunt and uncle’s house. I was STARVING. I ended up eating half of a low-carb enchilada. It really wasn’t as good as I was expecting. I tried to make it last by taking small bites, yet by doing that I didn’t really get to taste it very well. =( Oh well, its only food. Not a big deal. I ended up eating the second half by the end of the evening (probably about 2 hours later). We shall have to wait and see how this impacts my weight loss.

The biggest thing about today, though, is that I only have to lose 1.9 more pounds to reach my 40 pound mark! I hope to each that goal by this time next week. =)

Hope you’re all doing well and thank you so much for your subscriptions and support!

~Alice